I received a letter in the mail today (or at least it was addressed to someone with a mangled spelling of my name) from an insurance company “introducing” a “personal health plan that has your name all over it” and “As low as $44 a month*”. There were two things wrong. First, if my name was all over the plan, it was the wrong plan. Second, that asterisk.

While the $44 was in about 150 point type on a bright green background, the wording tied to the asterisk was at the bottom of the page, in about 5 point type in reverse on an orange background. But, I’m good with reading the very, very fine print. It said: “Rate quotes are for a 34-year old, non-smoker male in Madison, WI 53706.”

Even though I’ve never smoked, I haven’t been 34 in decades. Last time I looked, I wasn’t male. And, I’ve never visited, much less lived in, Madison, Wisconsin. Clearly the $44 was limited to a chosen few living in zip 53706.

The letter went into my shredder along with a flyer that guaranteed I would lose 30 to 45 pounds by paying $79.95 for three bottles of drops to add to my coffee which would absolutely melt the weight off without having to do anything else. That one was from a company pitching something called “SupraSvelte.” Doing a little online research got me to this complaint about the company, and this forum thread from 2005.

Some days the mail is chock full of silly reading.