She’s dating a newly divorced father of two small children and says the relationship is getting more serious. The ex-wife has checked her out and she has met the children once. Now he wants her to come home and spend the night with him, taking their relationship to the next level, sexual intimacy.

She thinks it’s a little early and wonders if the kids would understand that people in love “share the same bed like mum and dad used to.” She wondered what I thought. I think there’s a big difference between marrying someone and just taking the dating relationship to a new level by becoming intimate.

Marriage adds a new person to the household, someone who legally belongs there and who would be expected to assume a portion of parental responsibility. Dad’s new wife is the children’s new stepmom.

Dating, serious or casual, means the person might be a part of the children’s lives for a while only to disappear if the relationship doesn’t work out. Dating after divorce doesn’t always end in a new marriage. Dad’s current girlfriend might not be the same one next month or next year.

She felt it’s too early to spend the night at his house and I agree. She should listen to her instincts and not rush into something just because her dating partner is ready. If she does not think it’s the right time, then it’s not the right time.

I also think it could be very smart to keep “overnights” limited to places other than his home, at least if the children are there at the time. Not only will it eliminate the problem of what to tell the children, it will keep details of the “sleepovers” from getting to his ex via the children.

This is just my opinion. Everyone has to deal with their situation in the way that suits them the best.