He wrote asking me to point him toward information about trust in a marriage. He said his wife didn’t trust him, not because he had betrayed the marriage but because she didn’t trust him to do anything — from managing their finances to planning vacations — as well as she could.
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Can you remember when you first stopped trusting someone you loved? Or perhaps stopped trusting an acquaintance? You weren’t born mistrusting other people. You learned to hold back your complete trust the first time, or the second time, or the third time you got hurt for trusting someone who was less than honest with you.
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Stay or go? It’s one of the top questions when someone starts looking for information about divorce. Should they try to save save their marriage or should they call it quits? The answer is unique to each of us.
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During their 12-year marriage, his wife had cancer surgery, they faced bankruptcy, his mother died, their home was vandalized, and his wife left him and their young son to be with her boyfriend. After leaving, she told everyone he was abusive which he says was a lie. Therapy didn’t work and their attempts at reconciliation leave him scared and confused. He doesn’t know what to do.
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After 25 years, his wife wants out of their marriage. He admits that their marriage has problems and says he hasn’t been the best husband. They’ve been barely speaking and sleeping in separate bedrooms. He wants her to go to counseling with him but says she isn’t willing to attempt to fix what’s broken. He’s facing a job transfer as well as divorce.
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They’ve been married four months; they had a five month courtship. Friends warned him that she had an unsavory past but he brushed off their concerns. Now he finds that she has lied about her past as well as the present. He says he married for life but doesn’t know how he can live with a habitual liar.
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They have dealt with many serious issues throughout their 15-year marriage. Those issues have brought them to a crossroads. It’s time to commit and repair their marriage or let go and move on. She isn’t sure if she can get back the feelings she used to have for him.
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Their marriage seems perfect except for one thing: he wants children and she doesn’t. He’s willing to wait for her to change her mind but isn’t sure that she will and wonders if this is an irreconcilable difference that will lead to divorce.
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She wrote: “I want to tell my husband I want a divorce and I am having a hard time coming up with the right words to say it.”
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Only you can decide if your marriage is too bad to stay in it. Regardless of advice others give you, they won’t have to live your life. Weigh the advantages of staying against the advantages of leaving. If leaving significantly outweighs staying, your choice should be fairly simple.
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