The phrase “midlife crisis” is an increasingly used catch-all phrase used to explain away a person’s bad behavior regardless of their age. The following are a few clues that the man in your life may be heading for, or in the midst of, a midlife crisis.
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Middle age is a seriously dangerous time for marriages. Men and women are shocked to hear their spouse say “I love you but I’m not in love with you” as they head out the door. Some spouses leave home alone. Others have someone waiting for them.
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Middle age is a dangerous time for many marriages. It certainly was for mine. I faced my own mortality in my middle thirties. When it finally became very clear to me that my time on earth was limited, I anguished over staying in a bad marriage or taking a chance on a new life on my own. Just shy of my 39th birthday, I ended my first marriage.
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In 1995, I wrote the following article for a singles magazine I published at the time. Since that time, it has been reprinted with permission in magazines around the world, loosely rewritten by others, and has been posted to various Web sites with, as well as without, my permission. When I wrote this article I had no idea the impact it would have.
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After 23 years of marriage, he moved out of their home and is living with a male friend. Since then he says her he has fallen out of love with her and doesn’t want to “compromise his life” any more. He also has admitted to a very brief affair, a few years ago, which he didn’t enjoy. He blames her for his unhappiness and wants a divorce. She is in therapy.
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After 18 years of marriage, her 41-year-old husband wants a divorce so he can find the passion he’s missing in his marriage. She says his recent affair with a younger woman has left her devastated and him feeling that he’s missing out on experiencing life in a passionate relationship. She wants him to reconsider for their child’s sake because they know they cannot be friends if they divorce.
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He says his wife left home six weeks ago leaving both him and their kids to fend for themselves. Her explanation is that she doesn’t have any complaints, she just doesn’t want to answer to anyone for her time any more. She says she won’t come back unless she finds she made a mistake, and he wonders what the odds are of this happening.
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Midlife crisis isn’t just a problem men have to deal with as they get older. Women, too, struggle with issues that may change their life course completely.
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She wrote to say that she is tired of being in an abusive marriage. She’s tired of telling her husband she needs more and him ignoring her words. She’s tired of trying to make a bad marriage good. She says she used to believe in love lasting forever but now she says she can’t feel any love at all.
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He wrote: “I am the husband, but just read about male mlc and was amazed at how well it described what my 43-year-old wife of 24 years is going through. she is having such a crisis all her own and i’m desperately trying to hang on to her. Please help.”
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