She’s 24, married less than two years. It’s her first marriage, his second. She goes to college and works in the evening. He works during the day in a job that he doesn’t enjoy. She says the passion is gone from their marriage and they’ve been talking about divorce. She wonders if their marriage can be repaired.
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She has been the primary support during their 16-year marriage. Her husband works when he feels like it, runs up bills, borrows from family and friends, and expects her to take care of his debts, which she does. Her oldest son from her first marriage wants her to get a divorce and move closer to him. She feels guilty about leaving her husband since he doesn’t have any money and he has alienated everyone he knows.
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She says he has always been a “control freak” but the past couple of years of their five-year marriage have exhausted her. Despite bouts of depression and dealing with his alcoholism, she was working to keep their marriage together. Her feelings changed when he confessed to several affairs. Now she doesn’t know what to do.
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Ending a dating relationship is fairly easy: just walk away. Sure, someone is going to be hurt but what legalities are there to untangle? If the couple has purchased property together that can be resolved easier than dividing marital property.
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She has been married for three years to a man she says is cruel and controlling. She says he feels his job is to make the money and pay bills while her job is to take care of the home, their two children, and him. When she tries to tell him there are problems, he won’t listen. Recently, a diagnosis of lupus has her thinking of divorce although when her parents’ marriage ended, she vowed she’d never put her own kids through a divorce.
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I had the chance to talk with a woman who used to live in one of the coastal areas destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. She enjoyed living in her condo overlooking the water but a few years ago she moved to another state when she began having doubts about the safety of the area. Staying seemed too much of a gamble, one she didn’t want to take. She has family and friends in the area, some still unaccounted for, who either could not move elsewhere or who did not want to leave the area.
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She says her recent credit card debt has her husband acting cold and indifferent. When her husband’s first marriage ended, he lost everything and he says her new debt shows they don’t have the same goals in their relationship. She thinks his age, late 40s, has a lot to do with his thinking. She wonders if the marriage is going to end.
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Xiao Fang is a Beijing housewife who regrets her decision to hire four men to kill her husband’s pet dog. Unfortunately for her, her action has caused her husband to react in a way she never expected: he is divorcing her.
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Divorce doesn’t happen overnight. A husband or wife doesn’t just wake up one morning and decide to end their marriage. It may seem that way to the spouse who hears the “D” word for the first time but the truth is that there have probably been some very obvious signs pointing to divorce that have been ignored.
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If I’m ever going to touch a nerve, it will probably be if I ask how the toilet seat should be left after use… up or down. Most men would respond that they don’t have an obligation to place it back down, while most women would say they also don’t have an obligation to restore it to the up position that their man left it in after his last use of the facility.
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