Newly divorced, you are raw and bleeding. You don’t understand what’s happening to you. You don’t have total control over your emotions. You aren’t ready to enter into a healthy, fulfilling, committed, relationship. You don’t know this because your judgement is cloudy and you are extremely needy.
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For the person who is newly divorced, meeting a “soul mate” and falling in love quickly is not unusual. It is best to stay out of serious relationships until we’ve healed from the divorce, but it’s not always easy to do.
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One of the scariest parts of being divorced is getting back into the dating scene. How the heck do you meet people? People who are decent? People you can trust? People who won’t think you’re a loser because you’ve had a marriage fail? Or two?
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From one of my articles on dating: “Looking single helps. I was speaking to a group of business people and asked them to hold up their hands if they were single and available. The number of raised hands surprised everyone in the room. I then told them to remove every ring off their left hand if they were serious about being identified as a single. Most people look immediately at the ring finger and if a ring looks even remotely like a wedding set or a band, they assume the person is married. If you don’t want to miss a dating opportunity, dump the rings!”
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She wants a commitment from her boyfriend who she says is “skittish” about committing to their relationship. There’s just one problem: she is separated and just starting the legal process of divorce.
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The way children respond to divorce will be as varied as the participants and the circumstances. No one likes divorce, but some people (and children) are more mature handling it than others. In some cases, the children may welcome the fact that violence, abuse, and anger (if these were ingredients of the marriage) are no longer a part of their daily life.
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Divorced men don’t have to limit themselves to one girlfriend at a time and some men don’t. Divorced women, too, are under no obligation to date just one man at a time.
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Ex-wives can pose special problems, particularly if they are the ones who wanted the divorce. “I think if Jack had been the one to leave, if it had been his decision and his choice, everything would be different,” Kerry says.
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A man’s daughter can be your biggest ally in the relationship you have with her father. Daughters can also be threats or perceived as threats to a relationship.
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She’s newly divorced, he’s in a bad marriage but concerned what divorce would do to his 3-year old son. They have been dating platonically for a couple months, are in love, and feel that they are soul mates. She wonders if she should wait for him to get a divorce.
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