Domestic violence is more than a husband hitting his wife or a wife battering her husband. It can turn quite deadly as it did when a wife ran over her husband for looking at another woman, or a man fatally shot his young daughter before killing himself.
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Abuse takes a thousand forms. It touches our lives every day, whether it’s occurring in our house, the house next door, or the house across the city. Pick up today’s newspaper. There will be a story of abuse somewhere within the pages.
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“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest — never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” — Ann Landers.
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Even though there may be potential good effects marijuana might provide when used for the right reasons, I’m going to focus on the negative aspects of pot smoking. That won’t endear me to pot smokers of the world but that’s fine.
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She is 25, has a 3-year old daughter, and has been married for four years to a man who promised he would quit smoking pot when they got married. His habit has turned from weekend toking to everyday use. She can’t make him give up the pot so she is going to file for divorce and wonders how to tell him that she’s leaving.
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He wrote: “I am currently being divorced by my wife. The only problem in our marriage was my binge drinking. We were best friends and I guess my wife feels she has no alternative but to divorce me. I have been trying to stay sober, but could not go more than about two months without a relapse. Then, I would hang my head with regret and embarrassment and go back to AA.”
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No one purposely seeks out problem drinkers or alcoholics for life mates. In many cases, the drinking becomes a problem long after we have settled into a marriage. Long after we have placed ourselves in the hands of this man or this woman that we treasure above all others.
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She wrote: “Please help me, My husband has been drinking for years, he drink while my children were at home. I stay with him for the children sake. We have grown girls now all married. I always wanted to leave, but he said I could never take his girls. He always told me I had nowhere to go, he would never let me work, so here I am stuck. I have no skills.”
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Verbal abusers pick their victims well and most of the time they keep the abuse behind closed doors with no witnesses. Their public persona is so totally different than the one they save for the husband or wife or child who bears the force of their cutting words.
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“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” – African Proverb.
Most of us were probably taught that little chant when we were fairly young. Words can’t hurt. Ignore them. Let them slide off your back. Maybe one of your parents repeated them to you when you came home in tears because someone in school called you “fatso,” or “stupid,” or “fag.” Maybe the incident, which may have been one of many, was brushed off as “just kid’s play,” nothing to be concerned about. And so the next time you just hung your head and kept on going, maybe with that little chant playing in your mind.
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