It took me several years before I got up enough courage to end my first marriage. There was a lot of agonizing, the continual thoughts that I was doing something wrong, the search for answers everywhere. I hoped my husband would end it, taking the decision and choice away from me, but he wouldn’t and didn’t. If I wanted my life to change, it would be up to me, and me alone to make it happen.
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If you’re just coming out of a long term marriage, the new dating game can be extremely intimidating. It’s intimidating for everyone so try to relax and ease into the shallow end of the dating pool instead of plunging headlong into the deep end.
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When most of us think of the “other woman” in a relationship, typically we think of a girlfriend. Unfortunately, girlfriends are but one of several “other women” who may have an unpleasant hold on the man you love or a man you’d like to know much better.
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Jumping into the dating pool after divorce can be extremely confusing particularly for the woman who has been in a long term marriage. It may seem that the dating rules have changed, and they have to some extent, but when it comes to sex and the newly divorced woman, common sense applies.
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She’s dating a newly divorced father of two small children and says the relationship is getting more serious. The ex-wife has checked her out and she has met the children once. Now he wants her to come home and spend the night with him, taking their relationship to the next level, sexual intimacy.
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I never met my paternal grandfather even though he lived into his 80s. He was widowed when his young wife died giving birth to their second child, a daughter. Shortly afterward, he fell in love with a woman who agreed to marry him but wanted nothing to do with his children.
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Marrying a divorced person can be hazardous if you’re not prepared to accept all the “extras” they bring with them. Divorce does not wipe out a person’s history in the same manner that reformatting a computer’s hard drive deletes old programs.
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Is revenge motivating you right now as you deal with your divorce? I think thoughts of revenge are normal for most of us but those thoughts shouldn’t be all-consuming. Once the divorce is final, you may regret vengeful acts if they prevent you and your ex from remaining friends. Don’t let revenge close that door.
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Today begins the rest of your life. Do you want to spend today and tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that, waiting for someone who says they don’t want you? Aren’t you worth more than that?
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Probably the biggest and most worrisome issue facing divorced women is the question of what is the right time to have sex with someone they’re dating. When personal, moral or religious convictions prohibit sex without marriage, then the answer is simple: “Not until we’re married.”
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